OSLO DIARY 31.10.-1.11.2023

​TUESDAY 31.11.23
07:35
As I’m currently taking off from Helsinki Vantaa, the shaky liftoff mirrors the turbulence within me. From belief to rejection, from peace to turmoil, trust and fear seem to walk hand in hand, seeking a form of trust without truly achieving it. My stomach churns, a sensation lingering for some time, perhaps days, weeks, or even months. Uncertainty looms.
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En route to Oslo, heading to an event that holds the potential to make a difference, I reflect on my life. Sixteen years of relentless work, proving myself and the significance of what I do, amid countless obstacles and hardships. And hope and courage that sometimes seem to vanish into thin air.

I can’t recall a time without this profession. I started at just nine when I first got hold of a sewing machine. Even earlier, a few years before, I encountered preconsumer cutting waste, a gift from a classmate’s mother. I still remember the joy it brought me.

FOR THE MOMENTUM
This journey might just be the beginning, a prelude to the real work, the purpose of my soul. I might return somewhat changed, not entirely the same. There’s a chance I’ll come back empty-handed, drained of energy, belief, or the courage to continue.

Despite previous efforts to bring upcycling to the forefront of manufacturing, disappointment and regrouping have been recurrent. I’ve poured my soul and heart into this cause so many times that I question how much more I have to give.
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I constantly feel it’s never enough, always seeking more impact, attention, and reach. Could this moment be where I finally feel content, or at least the beginning of that feeling?
The breathtaking sunrise fills the plane with golden light.

BELIEFS THAT BUILD AND BREAK US
Last night, as sleep eluded me, I made a pact with myself: I’ll serve. Yet, I need more. I’ve aimed to be of service for years, but I’ve been waiting for a larger audience, a bigger stage. I’m prepared to return “empty-handed” this time, protecting myself from disappointment.
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Tomorrow, whether I return with 40k or none, winning or losing, it’ll significantly impact my career and life. It’s not about the money; it’s about the win.

IS IT MY TIME?
I’m ready for the win, waiting for that force to surge through me. But I’m uncertain if this is the right time for it, the place for it to manifest in my life. That uncertainty is hard to accept.

​What I’ll never be ready for is the failure to achieve, to be denied the chance to make a difference. I despise waiting, fed up with the immense disappointment that futile efforts bring, leading to a state of mind that’s challenging to overcome.
08:39We’re beginning our descent.
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In conclusion, it’s about the destiny that awaits me. Just like life and death, some things are beyond our control. Life takes its course, and we can only adapt, sometimes gaining unexpected returns even amidst our struggles.

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WEDNESDAY 1.11.2023
17:42
On my way back to home. In the plane. Feeling serene and light, surprisingly not disappointed. This difference compared to my usual reaction is a pleasant surprise.

As noted in the first part of this diary, my main concern was how I would handle this, which has been a struggle for me in the past.
Returning with a sense of ease, freed from the stress of winning, not winning or what comes next. The prize went to a Swedish company dealing with cellulose pulp (and only that) valuation at 5,5 million.
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What is that we gain from this? What is the impact on the industry or its benefit remains unclear.
This was a fair "fight" that I lost due to a value decision. The Nordic Council's choice wasn't in alignment with my endeavors.

​HOW TO PROCEED AND WITH WHAT?
Though I hadn't planned my future around winning, I had ideas on how it could have aided me.
FIRST, the translation of my UPCYCLING book, acquiring more exclusive rights for its photos, and arranging its publication. This seems uncertain now.
Additionally, I thought to scout agents from various core countries for distribution.
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To be clear, I authored a professional book on upcycling last year, guiding crafters, students, and professionals in understanding the circular economy, its impact on their field, and the opportunities it presents. It also includes insights on post-consumer upcycling and how to begin.

I'm currently working on a second edition that focuses on a more professional approach to upcycling, business creation, and using knitted materials in post-consumer upcycling. This upcoming book is scheduled for release next year through BASAM books.
SECOND, I aimed to establish an upcycling academy offering online courses for a global audience. Unfortunately, without funding, this remains a distant goal.
My dream is to create a sales funnel from introductory courses to full membership in the upcycling academy. My aim is to train individuals globally, fostering professional upcyclers equipped with skills to repair, alter, and remake existing clothing.
THIRD, securing my family's income, consisting of 8 members, was a crucial goal when doing this after years of living hand-to-mouth due to my career and work decisions.
Ofcourse I have enough to come by already now, but if I start these processes its different.

LET ME EMPHASIZE THIS CLEARLY!
Upcycling is not merely a hobby or a trivial pursuit. The belief that it cannot be scaled up to industrial levels is something I strongly refute.
Upcycling is a process that should be applied at the end of every single product's life cycle stage, i.e. it doesn't happen at the end of the life cycle, but at some point in it!
Circularity in design, production and recycling will never become reality if we dont have people who would do the work!
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There are very few people in the world who have dedicated their time and skills to this matter, and the Nordic Council's decision to reward an activity that produces a single aspect of one production phase is depressing.
I have done the work, I have walked the walk on a path that so many ”grafty” professionals are on or still trying to find. Actually, there are miljons of them all around the world.
They too are trying to find their next step on the path.
My aim is to create that step! A community of professional upcyclers, eliminating the struggles I faced alone for nearly twenty years.

WHAT WAS LEFT IN MY EMPTY HAND?
My hands are for sure not empty. I'm grateful for this experience. It has given me insight into how I react under such pressure. While the 40k prize could have done so much good for the planet, I still appreciate the experience Oslo offered. The landscapes, especially the fjords, left a lasting impression.
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Today, as planned, we visited a spectacular place with wonderful, fresh weather. We explored an old wooden church from the year 1200. The experience awakened a sense of gratitude within me. That well made things last long!

IN SUMMARY
This experience taught me to manage disappointment and crystallize my vision. My international group on Facebook has reached in these past few days almost 10k people, many of whom have expressed interest in learning from me.
Regarding my future, it remains uncertain.

**Nevertheless, I would like to share what I would have said in my acceptance speech, as it seems even more relevant now:
Your Royal Highness, esteemed members of the Nordic Council, and esteemed guests, I am sincerely grateful for this recognition.
My journey in upcycling and the circular economy has led me here, yet it's a gateway to something deeper.
We all seek our purpose in life!
For that we must pause, evaluate our values, and find ways to serve rather than exploit.
Find your path like I did. Change resides in each of us—here (pointing to the heart).
I stand as proof of immense human potential, regardless of our perceived size. With your support, anything can be scaled to an industrial level. Thank you for this honor. I eagerly anticipate collaborating with each of you.
Thank you, 
Paula <3